...past, present - reset?

Once upon a time...isn't that how all good fables go?  I was once "I am a writer, therefore I write", to the point of having it engraved on a watch...that I carried with me...because I was.  I guess in some respects it reminded me that while I always had time, I also always wrote.

On a plane trip back from San Diego to Portland I wrote over 13 pieces, in a row, about my experience there.  I say "over 13" as I know it was at least this many, but forget the total amount.

I've got quite a book of what I "used to do"...and now, what do I do?  I write a lot, in my head.  I'm still trying to find my mojo, or what was, I guess.  I'm not sure of what I still have and what has been lost over the years, but one thing is for sure - I'm going to keep writing for myself and keep at it because I feel I need to.

One week ago I was ready to toss it ALL in...everything, just give it up.  Now?  I feel a lot better...I feel cleaner, calmer, more ready to face each day.  Could be partially from having a mass amount of time off due to a finger injury (and yet, I'm still typing), and another aspect I'd reasonably argue with anyone is that it's because I'm allowing all this built up sludge to finally, slowly ease on out.

Things are good in the world when you are allowed to express yourself - when YOU allow yourself to express what it is you need to.

Tectonic plate movement is something we all experience within ourselves.  Little earthquakes come and go inside, and they warn of an impending larger shift - that's what I'm feeling.  I'm okay with that...it's the acceptance of that which keeps us moving forward, always looking for safer land.

To be honest, one of the major reasons I left my home state of Oregon was to get away from just that.  The constant tremors I was feeling...in my life, and the ones I knew were coming.  Waking up to a small 5.3 in Oregon, compared to sleeping through one similar in Los Angeles really made me realize this even more - and at the time, over 17 years ago, I decided that I could live with hurricanes more easily because I could plan for a hurricane - you can't plan for earthquakes.  Yet, I will also admit that those earthquakes are what kept me hungry, wanting, singing, feeling.  I've been stifling that for a bit too long, I'm afraid, and now I'm ready for it.

Bring it on, world.  I've had my fill of pain in the last couple of years, and I think I'm finally ready to accept the fact that it's something I've had to face.  Reality is here, and I'm listening.  Ya, it's about damn time.


-AA