Thursday, June 30, 2011

Hot Nut Sacks & Midget Conversations

I really love hot, brown sacks of spicy nuts.  Truly, I do.  Especially if they've been soaking long enough to get nice and tender...the nuts, that is, not the sack.

Today, after bringing our car home from the repair shop (an engine mount was coming dislodged), I stopped at Maria's Nut House (formerly Dixie Nut House) and picked up one of their $8 bags of Cajun Boiled Peanuts.  Honestly, there is nothing better on this planet, in Southern Roadside Cuisine, than good boiled peanuts.  As I was polishing off a pile of these on the way home I noticed a white car behind me a ways that might have been a police car...and I thought, "Oh, might be a cop car, better not toss these shells out the window."  Then, I started thinking about it - is it littering if the items you're littering are biodegradable and came from the earth in the first place?  I frown on littering of things that don't belong to the earth, but peanut shells clearly started out there and I'm just returning them to...the pavement - where they should get pulverized into something that gets carried off into the sides of the road and goes back into the earth, right?  Right.  Well, in my mind that's correct...I wonder, though.  

I wondered this same thing as I drove over a banana peel about 5 miles later...and, then promptly started wondering how a banana peel ended up in the middle of a highway (Hwy - 2 lane road you can go 60+ on out in the boonies)...and, of course, it had to have been left by someone like me, but you could argue that peanut shells are more natural to the area of the country we're in.  I don't know anyone up here that has banana trees growing nearby (of course...I don't know anyone that grows peanuts, either).


On the way to the "City" that we took our car to get repaired at, to get breakfast and then check on the car, C declared to me "I want a horsey!"  This was, of course, after seeing the field of beautiful horses we always pass when on our way to this "City".  The rest of the conversation went very much like this:

Me: "I want a horsey too!  Let's go get one and put it in the back of the van!"  (that we were driving at the time, mind you)

C: ::gives me look like I'm absolutely insane for thinking I could fit a horse in the back of a 1997 mini-van::

Me: "Well...we could probably fit a miniature horse in the back!"

C: "They poop a lot."

Me: "They do, huh?"

C: "Yes, that's why they're so small!"

Me: "Ohhhhhh really?"

C: "Yes, it's a proven scientific fact that miniature horses poop a lot, that's why they're so small...they're always pooping."

Me: "So, you're saying that because they're tiny they poop a lot, so big horses don't poop as much because if they did then they'd be tiny, too, right?"

C: "Yes, exactly."

Me: "So, that means that midgets must be small because they poop a lot???"

C: "Yes!  In fact, midgets poop so much I've heard that a lot of them have to wear Depends because they're constantly dropping loads all over the place and can't control it."

Me: "I I'm big because I don't poop a lot? (Even though some would argue I technically do)"

C: "Yep!"

-AA, over and out.


  1. Good to know. I am now canceling my "midget riding a tiny horse" that I ordered on eBay. Damn.

  2. Thank you for reminding me why most of my best friends are lesbian - can say things like "hot nut sacks" with a serious face as I collapse into giggles at the nastiness.

    I think the same as you about returning what comes to the earth, and I frequently get caught up in the same conundrum and my actions are often determined by my audience. I just think though of all the biodegradable things that we seal off in landfills in a lose-lose proposition.