In my last post, I was talking about "A.H." - I'll lose the periods from here-on out.
AH...she was...let me think...class of '92, we dated in '91, so she must have been around 17 - I think her birthday was in October, and we might have actually started dating right before her 17th birthday. Ya, I was 21...but, I came out of the closet about 4 months before my 21st birthday, so in a way I was very new to dating.
I didn't date in high school to speak of...I did "see" guys, but we never dated, and it was generally never anyone that I went to school with - and if I did? Oh hell no, no one would ever know. Their choice and mine. I was raised in a strict religion, and dating someone "outside" of the "church" was strictly forbidden...hell, having sex with said boys was grounds for being ousted (at least temporarily), and I kept that on the D.L. also.
When I "came out of the closet" at the age of 20, my first girlfriend showed me the way of the woman...well, of the hippie, druggie, granola lesbian, at least. Being incredibly naive in many ways, I really had no clue that "Ch" was a big ol' druggie...though, after sharing 23 bottles of beer with her, and my being sick for 2 days and her feeling GREAT the next day, that really should have tipped me off, don't you think?
Anyhow, back to AH...she was one of a string of ladies that I dated - many of them younger than me. I'll have to do a little chart so that anyone who reads can keep up. LOL She was cute, very sweet, and I was absolutely smitten with her. She lived alone with her dad (I can't recall what happened to her mom - she never really spoke about it), and I'd go and pick her up after school or on the weekends and we'd go out for coffee, or to dinner, or just to "hang out". I think she's the one who introduced me to "Chili-Mac" - I'd never thought to put a can of chili in with mac & cheese before - and it was glorious, of course. Even more so since she made it. LOL
We dated for...at least a couple of months. I was the consummate gentleman with her, and recall asking her if I could kiss her before actually attempting to do so. She said yes, by the way. I really adored her to little bits, as I've said, but I didn't see this going anywhere. She was quite happy to admit that she was bi-sexual, and that she was equally interested in possibly dating men in the future, and that didn't quite jive with me or my sensibilities. I was raised to "date to marry" and that's technically what I was doing, in my head at least. I wanted someone I could be with, and I wasn't interested in going out after sex all willy-nilly like many folks were. That wasn't my thing...companionship, enjoying life with someone, that made more sense to me - and the sex aspect, that was just a benefit if you found someone you fit with.
I did date, quite a bit, and no I didn't have sex with everyone I dated (AH was one of whom this never got to that point). Unfortunately, I told her one night that I didn't think it was going to work - for us to keep seeing each other. She was still young, not sure what she wanted out of life, and wandering in her own sense. I was too...but, didn't realize it yet. To be honest, I don't know too many folks in their 20's that really figure it out - they think they have, we all do/did, but then when you hit your 30's you realize you didn't have it figured out in your 20's, and in your 40's, I'm finding, your 30's were almost your start of understanding things a bit clearer. I'll be interested to see what my 50's bring, assuming I make it there.
...after watching the VHS tape I spoke about in the last entry, I was trying to remember AH's last name, and it finally just came to me out of the blue - I hadn't been able to remember it in, literally, years. I Googled her, Facebooked her, etc. - and all I could find was: no Google hits except a search service and no social website hits, either. I recalled her dad's name was John, and found his info - and it appears he lives on the same street (I know the area), I did find that she evidently moved to Seattle and Spokane, WA at some point - and the age is right for the info that popped up for free, so I know she's been out there. Never married? Unsure...still gay or bi? Who can say. I do remember hearing from a friend one time that she worked at Blockbuster by Fred Meyers on Broadway (NW), and I called up the store to talk to her. She was less than interested, really - partially I'm sure because she was at work. I think I called to tell her I was moving to another state...I can't recall exactly as it's been so long ago, but that IS the last time I ever spoke with her.
I still wonder what happened to her - where her life took her - how things worked out for her.
I've found quite a few old friends on FB, and it's been interesting to reconnect. However, it's very refreshing to be able to recount some stories here without them knowing about it. I'm being incredibly honest, too, which I'm finding quite cleansing for my soul.
-AA
No comments:
Post a Comment