Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Worn out...

To say I'm stressed and that I need a break is the understatement of the century, I'm afraid...

C told me to get away last week...I would have, it it hadn't of still been spring break rates here in this state I exist in...sucks...so, this week, we've been bickering about the stupidest crap on the planet, and she just finally snapped - she said, "you didn't get away last week, so I need to get away this week."  Okay...fine...no, I'm not fine about it, but it is what it is.

Part of me is perfectly fine with the fact that she needs a break...but, I need a fucking break, and have needed one for quite awhile - I guess the faster rabbit gets the carrot.  Not me, not this week.  Not today.

My sister is probably coming up next week, which will add an extra layer of stress to my inner self - she's just lost her job of over 15 years and needs to figure out what to do (while being pregnant with a second child, who's due about 4 months before the first one turns 2)...I love her dearly, but I just don't know that I'm ready for the baggage she's going to bring with.  We are the "safe haven" - the boonies - the home away from home...but, how much home can I give someone when I'm not happy in it myself?

That's the key...I need to find some happiness.

Most days I'm fine, but for the past few weeks things have just been mounting - and I'm not really sure what it is or why, but it's here.  I used to thrive on stress, and now that I don't want it...it seems I'm getting more than I can handle.  Maybe I can handle it, but it just doesn't seem like it at this moment.  I hope that's all it is.

I am going to get back to work, as I won't leave everything until C comes back, even though she's told me to do something to that effect - she's worried about me, but she had to take care of herself first, and I understand that.  I should have stepped up last week and just said, "fuck finances", but that's not how I operate.  

She told me today that I'm selfless.  I told her thank you, and that it might be the death of me someday, and I mean that - I'm starting to feel that wear on me, too...it's time, I guess, to start thinking of myself and fuck everything else.

Do I mean that?  Who knows, the year is still young...and the people in office are still screwing with my ability to make an honest living.



  1. Staycation? Hate that word but I had one last week and it was great for just getting into true perspective on my life, spending some time with the family just doing things like decorating, shopping, visiting a little coastal town etc. was just great

  2. That would actually be ideal at this juncture - some nice day trips would be great...but with a business in the house, it gets hard to let go - I have to work on that. :-D