Had a bit too much bourbon last night (actually, not really, it was the Tequila I insisted on adding to the bourbon that did me in, I think)...but, got up late, which was nice. Did some walking, fed the kitties, did a bunch of tweeting (junkie, yes), and now I'm in front of the computer at almost 11:30 ready to start some work today.
C hasn't given me much of a chance to miss her - she and I talked on the phone last night, and again this morning (I sent her a picture that she needed some clarification on, LOL). It's okay, though, it's actually calm today and it's nice not having anyone here.
SisterFromAnotherMister might come up tomorrow (or tonight) and spend the day - not sure yet. She's got some opportunities on the horizon for work and doesn't want to miss out on anything by coming up for an extended stay next week, and I personally don't blame her. She's had two interviews thus far already this week, and her last day of work was technically on Sunday! She's paid up from the company through the end of June, I believe, so she'd be fine, regardless - a job now would be a bonus (especially considering she's due in August). Now I just have to wait for her to call - which she can be quite poor at in regards to things that I'm waiting to hear on...I hate that.
I've gotten C addicted to the Hunger Games book (I'm on the second book, now) - that's good - it's an excellent read that sucks you right in...I won't go into the fact that it mirrors what I think our country is headed towards in the future. That's for another blog/discussion.
Thinking I may post some of my old writing up here - maybe that will help get me back into the groove.
-AA
Showing posts with label C. Show all posts
Showing posts with label C. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, July 11, 2011
So not my mom...and so not my wife!
This is C, dressed up in some items we found of my mom's in a bag of things my father dropped off to us a couple of weeks ago (the scarf, glasses and gloves) - NOTHING I've ever seen my mother wear in all my years of knowing her, living with her, seeing her daily as a child...and things she'd kept for over 40 years. Mom was a pack-rat, and this pic is lovely, so I had to share.
And...some buttons from the collection of odd buttons dad brought over, as well. These were the cream of the crop, so to speak. Enjoy!
-AA
And...some buttons from the collection of odd buttons dad brought over, as well. These were the cream of the crop, so to speak. Enjoy!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Hot Nut Sacks & Midget Conversations
I really love hot, brown sacks of spicy nuts. Truly, I do. Especially if they've been soaking long enough to get nice and tender...the nuts, that is, not the sack.
Today, after bringing our car home from the repair shop (an engine mount was coming dislodged), I stopped at Maria's Nut House (formerly Dixie Nut House) and picked up one of their $8 bags of Cajun Boiled Peanuts. Honestly, there is nothing better on this planet, in Southern Roadside Cuisine, than good boiled peanuts. As I was polishing off a pile of these on the way home I noticed a white car behind me a ways that might have been a police car...and I thought, "Oh, might be a cop car, better not toss these shells out the window." Then, I started thinking about it - is it littering if the items you're littering are biodegradable and came from the earth in the first place? I frown on littering of things that don't belong to the earth, but peanut shells clearly started out there and I'm just returning them to...the pavement - where they should get pulverized into something that gets carried off into the sides of the road and goes back into the earth, right? Right. Well, in my mind that's correct...I wonder, though.
I wondered this same thing as I drove over a banana peel about 5 miles later...and, then promptly started wondering how a banana peel ended up in the middle of a highway (Hwy - 2 lane road you can go 60+ on out in the boonies)...and, of course, it had to have been left by someone like me, but you could argue that peanut shells are more natural to the area of the country we're in. I don't know anyone up here that has banana trees growing nearby (of course...I don't know anyone that grows peanuts, either).
--------
On the way to the "City" that we took our car to get repaired at, to get breakfast and then check on the car, C declared to me "I want a horsey!" This was, of course, after seeing the field of beautiful horses we always pass when on our way to this "City". The rest of the conversation went very much like this:
Me: "I want a horsey too! Let's go get one and put it in the back of the van!" (that we were driving at the time, mind you)
C: ::gives me look like I'm absolutely insane for thinking I could fit a horse in the back of a 1997 mini-van::
Me: "Well...we could probably fit a miniature horse in the back!"
C: "They poop a lot."
Me: "They do, huh?"
C: "Yes, that's why they're so small!"
Me: "Ohhhhhh really?"
C: "Yes, it's a proven scientific fact that miniature horses poop a lot, that's why they're so small...they're always pooping."
Me: "So, you're saying that because they're tiny they poop a lot, so big horses don't poop as much because if they did then they'd be tiny, too, right?"
C: "Yes, exactly."
Me: "So, that means that midgets must be small because they poop a lot???"
C: "Yes! In fact, midgets poop so much I've heard that a lot of them have to wear Depends because they're constantly dropping loads all over the place and can't control it."
Me: "I see...so I'm big because I don't poop a lot? (Even though some would argue I technically do)"
C: "Yep!"
-AA, over and out.
Today, after bringing our car home from the repair shop (an engine mount was coming dislodged), I stopped at Maria's Nut House (formerly Dixie Nut House) and picked up one of their $8 bags of Cajun Boiled Peanuts. Honestly, there is nothing better on this planet, in Southern Roadside Cuisine, than good boiled peanuts. As I was polishing off a pile of these on the way home I noticed a white car behind me a ways that might have been a police car...and I thought, "Oh, might be a cop car, better not toss these shells out the window." Then, I started thinking about it - is it littering if the items you're littering are biodegradable and came from the earth in the first place? I frown on littering of things that don't belong to the earth, but peanut shells clearly started out there and I'm just returning them to...the pavement - where they should get pulverized into something that gets carried off into the sides of the road and goes back into the earth, right? Right. Well, in my mind that's correct...I wonder, though.
I wondered this same thing as I drove over a banana peel about 5 miles later...and, then promptly started wondering how a banana peel ended up in the middle of a highway (Hwy - 2 lane road you can go 60+ on out in the boonies)...and, of course, it had to have been left by someone like me, but you could argue that peanut shells are more natural to the area of the country we're in. I don't know anyone up here that has banana trees growing nearby (of course...I don't know anyone that grows peanuts, either).
--------
On the way to the "City" that we took our car to get repaired at, to get breakfast and then check on the car, C declared to me "I want a horsey!" This was, of course, after seeing the field of beautiful horses we always pass when on our way to this "City". The rest of the conversation went very much like this:
Me: "I want a horsey too! Let's go get one and put it in the back of the van!" (that we were driving at the time, mind you)
C: ::gives me look like I'm absolutely insane for thinking I could fit a horse in the back of a 1997 mini-van::
Me: "Well...we could probably fit a miniature horse in the back!"
C: "They poop a lot."
Me: "They do, huh?"
C: "Yes, that's why they're so small!"
Me: "Ohhhhhh really?"
C: "Yes, it's a proven scientific fact that miniature horses poop a lot, that's why they're so small...they're always pooping."
Me: "So, you're saying that because they're tiny they poop a lot, so big horses don't poop as much because if they did then they'd be tiny, too, right?"
C: "Yes, exactly."
Me: "So, that means that midgets must be small because they poop a lot???"
C: "Yes! In fact, midgets poop so much I've heard that a lot of them have to wear Depends because they're constantly dropping loads all over the place and can't control it."
Me: "I see...so I'm big because I don't poop a lot? (Even though some would argue I technically do)"
C: "Yep!"
-AA, over and out.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Shower Scenes
While my finger has been healing from surgery (a couple of weeks ago), C has been helping me with showering as I've only got one usable hand (the other having a couple of Wal-Mart plastic bags and a rubber band over it). Today, one of our fascinating conversations went mostly like this:
(C is scrubbing me down)
C: (in a drawling Southern Accent - think "old South") "Well, I do declare Miss, I think you have the cleanest breasts in Dixie County!"
Me: "I'm going to write that in my blog today!"
C: "No! Don't do that!"
Me: "Why not?"
C: "I don't want everyone knowing my secrets...them stealing my thunder! I'm an enigma, I'm a mysterious enigma of mysteriousness and I like it that way."
Me: "Okay...well, at least it's not like I'm Twittering this!"
C: "Twitter is stupid."
Me: "It's pretty funny, actually. k.d. lang keeps posting that she's every one's Daddy."
C: "Where, on Twitter? She's who's Daddy?"
Me: "She keeps saying, "Who's your Daddy!" At least I'm not saying that to you! Do you want me to be your Daddy?"
C: "No...I don't like it when lesbians call themselves "Daddy", it's kind of creepy."
Me: "There's also the whole "Mommy" thing."
C: "'Mommy' thing? What, those are the femme women? Of course, k.d. would so be a top."
Me: "Ya, kind of, people who like "Mommy's" are into that...it's kind of part of the whole BDSM community, in a way - an offshoot in some cases, I suppose."
C: "Huh. Well, you're not a Daddy...you're a Captain! You're the Captain of the Dykes."
Me: "I am? Nice!"
((note - I am also a huge gay boy, and most all my friends would attest to this))
C: (in her best gay boy accent) "No, honey, you're the Captain of the USS Queen!"
We both crack up at each other...now...I ask you...do other people have such random discussions with their partners while showering? I sure hope so, because it does keep me in a rather good mood!
-AA
(C is scrubbing me down)
C: (in a drawling Southern Accent - think "old South") "Well, I do declare Miss, I think you have the cleanest breasts in Dixie County!"
Me: "I'm going to write that in my blog today!"
C: "No! Don't do that!"
Me: "Why not?"
C: "I don't want everyone knowing my secrets...them stealing my thunder! I'm an enigma, I'm a mysterious enigma of mysteriousness and I like it that way."
Me: "Okay...well, at least it's not like I'm Twittering this!"
C: "Twitter is stupid."
Me: "It's pretty funny, actually. k.d. lang keeps posting that she's every one's Daddy."
C: "Where, on Twitter? She's who's Daddy?"
Me: "She keeps saying, "Who's your Daddy!" At least I'm not saying that to you! Do you want me to be your Daddy?"
C: "No...I don't like it when lesbians call themselves "Daddy", it's kind of creepy."
Me: "There's also the whole "Mommy" thing."
C: "'Mommy' thing? What, those are the femme women? Of course, k.d. would so be a top."
Me: "Ya, kind of, people who like "Mommy's" are into that...it's kind of part of the whole BDSM community, in a way - an offshoot in some cases, I suppose."
C: "Huh. Well, you're not a Daddy...you're a Captain! You're the Captain of the Dykes."
Me: "I am? Nice!"
((note - I am also a huge gay boy, and most all my friends would attest to this))
C: (in her best gay boy accent) "No, honey, you're the Captain of the USS Queen!"
We both crack up at each other...now...I ask you...do other people have such random discussions with their partners while showering? I sure hope so, because it does keep me in a rather good mood!
-AA
Sunday, June 26, 2011
My Wife, She is Amazing!
I've been accused of many things in my life, and wanting a housewife has actually been one of them. Is it wrong, for a woman, to want a housewife? Is this somehow wrong for me to want because I'm not interested in being with men on a daily life basis, and men are the creators of the "housewife"? I don't think so, but I suppose others might think this.
My ex friend, who's now my exes partner of roughly 5 years, was actually the one who accused me of this as if it were the most unjust thing on the planet that I could request or wish for. Mind you, I never asked my ex to be a housewife, I merely wanted her to do her half of the household chores, at least, since I kept up with all the bills, made sure we had things in order so we could function, and was starting up a business to help us eventually move to another area where she could be closer to her family (as this was all she seemed to want, and told me as much, during our relationship of over 9 years). I would come home during my lunch breaks at an office job and do the dishes, clean up the kitchen, make things tidy, pay the bills, etc. My ex would come home after a day at work and read...or find other fun things to do. I'd try to find time to spend with her but she'd rather be doing her own thing. Now, I'm sure you can already tell from here that the relationship was doomed by this point - and it did take quite a few years to get to this degree of self absorbency on her end, but it was there and it was obvious to not only me.
As things started to get harder for me to handle (full time job with a 45/min to an hour drive each way for work, as the job moved farther out, starting a small business and working that at night, still paying all the bills and doing housework and errands on the weekends), she started to move further and further away, and that's okay - life is what it is and deals you the hand you are dealt, how you play it is up to you. Sometimes I'm a very stealthy Poker player and sometimes I honestly suck. This is probably the reason I'm not wealthy. LOL
The ex friend, who was a friend at the time, was actually "hired" to assist us in cleaning up the house over the course of a couple of days - she was out of work, and we both thought we were helping. This, somehow, led to her telling me that all I wanted out of my ex was a housewife...and, after we were broken up she accused me of this again. This once again brings me back to, is that so wrong to want?
I was just sitting here thinking about how wonderful C is to me. She's making deviled eggs right now, she did laundry yesterday. She takes care of the kitty boxes and vacuuming every other day. She's been talked into (*wink wink*) making her famous Alfredo sauce to go with the chicken strips she's making today, and we'll have that with low-carb pasta and a salad tonight. It's our day off, and she's busy doing household things, and she's happy doing that.
When I met C, she told me she was raised to be a housewife. I told her I was raised to be a husband, the provider, to make sure all things were taken care of, the bills were paid on time, the family happy. My mother, of course, wanted me to get married to a young man (any) who were in the religion I was raised and be an obedient housewife myself, but that was not me, and I knew that from a very, very early age. I followed my father's lead, and to this day wish I would have learned more from him (in fixing cars, electrical repairs, etc. - the man is like MacGuyver, and can even cook and grow things!). I did, however, follow in my mothers footsteps in the sense that she paid all the bills and had the business at home. Hmmm...again, I'm proving that I'm a split of my folks.
Anyway, back to wives. C also told me she wanted to be a housewife. She preferred to work part time or stay at home and work, having the freedom to clean the house, take care of the children (and we have 5, at this point, none of them of the human kind), make meals, and be a good caregiver and solid ruler of the house. She is just that...she does rule with an iron fist at times, and honestly I'm quite happy with that. She is my June, and I'm happy to say I'm her Ward...and yes, one of our babies acts like The Beaver (we also have an Eddie Haskell).
I love having a wife. I love knowing, also, that if something happens to me things will get done! I recently had surgery (my...4th in 2 years - ya, that's too many...), and I haven't been able to do as much as I'd like, and I'm constantly told to "not work so much, take it easy like the doctor said." I know that if I do things will still get done, I don't have to worry about that. THAT is amazing.
Sometimes I feel like I've got it easy - like I should be doing more than I am...and maybe I should be - but I hope that if I am slacking C will tell me. She usually does.
-AA
My ex friend, who's now my exes partner of roughly 5 years, was actually the one who accused me of this as if it were the most unjust thing on the planet that I could request or wish for. Mind you, I never asked my ex to be a housewife, I merely wanted her to do her half of the household chores, at least, since I kept up with all the bills, made sure we had things in order so we could function, and was starting up a business to help us eventually move to another area where she could be closer to her family (as this was all she seemed to want, and told me as much, during our relationship of over 9 years). I would come home during my lunch breaks at an office job and do the dishes, clean up the kitchen, make things tidy, pay the bills, etc. My ex would come home after a day at work and read...or find other fun things to do. I'd try to find time to spend with her but she'd rather be doing her own thing. Now, I'm sure you can already tell from here that the relationship was doomed by this point - and it did take quite a few years to get to this degree of self absorbency on her end, but it was there and it was obvious to not only me.
As things started to get harder for me to handle (full time job with a 45/min to an hour drive each way for work, as the job moved farther out, starting a small business and working that at night, still paying all the bills and doing housework and errands on the weekends), she started to move further and further away, and that's okay - life is what it is and deals you the hand you are dealt, how you play it is up to you. Sometimes I'm a very stealthy Poker player and sometimes I honestly suck. This is probably the reason I'm not wealthy. LOL
The ex friend, who was a friend at the time, was actually "hired" to assist us in cleaning up the house over the course of a couple of days - she was out of work, and we both thought we were helping. This, somehow, led to her telling me that all I wanted out of my ex was a housewife...and, after we were broken up she accused me of this again. This once again brings me back to, is that so wrong to want?
I was just sitting here thinking about how wonderful C is to me. She's making deviled eggs right now, she did laundry yesterday. She takes care of the kitty boxes and vacuuming every other day. She's been talked into (*wink wink*) making her famous Alfredo sauce to go with the chicken strips she's making today, and we'll have that with low-carb pasta and a salad tonight. It's our day off, and she's busy doing household things, and she's happy doing that.
When I met C, she told me she was raised to be a housewife. I told her I was raised to be a husband, the provider, to make sure all things were taken care of, the bills were paid on time, the family happy. My mother, of course, wanted me to get married to a young man (any) who were in the religion I was raised and be an obedient housewife myself, but that was not me, and I knew that from a very, very early age. I followed my father's lead, and to this day wish I would have learned more from him (in fixing cars, electrical repairs, etc. - the man is like MacGuyver, and can even cook and grow things!). I did, however, follow in my mothers footsteps in the sense that she paid all the bills and had the business at home. Hmmm...again, I'm proving that I'm a split of my folks.
Anyway, back to wives. C also told me she wanted to be a housewife. She preferred to work part time or stay at home and work, having the freedom to clean the house, take care of the children (and we have 5, at this point, none of them of the human kind), make meals, and be a good caregiver and solid ruler of the house. She is just that...she does rule with an iron fist at times, and honestly I'm quite happy with that. She is my June, and I'm happy to say I'm her Ward...and yes, one of our babies acts like The Beaver (we also have an Eddie Haskell).
I love having a wife. I love knowing, also, that if something happens to me things will get done! I recently had surgery (my...4th in 2 years - ya, that's too many...), and I haven't been able to do as much as I'd like, and I'm constantly told to "not work so much, take it easy like the doctor said." I know that if I do things will still get done, I don't have to worry about that. THAT is amazing.
Sometimes I feel like I've got it easy - like I should be doing more than I am...and maybe I should be - but I hope that if I am slacking C will tell me. She usually does.
-AA
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Watching myself almost 20 years later...
The other day, whilst having some Evan Williams and Pepsi, at the request of my partner ("C"), I pulled out an old VHS tape and popped it in. Among the oddball items there was one bright spot, me almost 20 years ago, videotaped by friends in downtown Portland off Stark Street. Well, it was bright for the time, I suppose - my glasses and shirt were highly dated to the early 90's, the sound was horrible, but getting to see myself all these years later was, quite honestly, nothing short of thought provoking.
It's night, I'm a young dyke with a short stylish haircut, toothpick hanging out of my mouth, and a bit cocky. I should also mention the Harry Potter glasses...I was cool before he was. (LOL) I'm being interviewed by friends for a "trip video" they're doing of their journey to find k.d. lang, of all things (er, people). JG is an amazing 50 something woman, and the other friend is from the bulletin boards we all were a part of back then. They were doing a documentary, actually, and the balance of the tape is a lot of them driving up to Vancouver, B.C. looking for where Ms. lang lived, while listening to the album "Ingenue". I'm much more entertaining than that was, I'm afraid.
It was fun to watch with C, but it got me thinking, and actually brought me down a bit. I was once cute, ambitious, had a slight swagger, and really enjoyed myself. Now? I'm self admittedly at least 100 pounds heavier, not half as cute, less cocky, and while I still use toothpicks, I'm actually quite polite with that aspect now. I guess, though, I can point out that while the "cockiness" has left, that was a maturity factor - now I'm confident, and I'll take that over cocky any day of the week, thank you very much.
This process of self discovery is what really started me thinking about everything - wondering where I'm going versus where I've been, and what I might have learned or gleaned from experience along the way. Experience, in my life, is not lacking in the least. I'll freely admit that I was once a self described "mental masochist" (and some of those stories I will probably get into), and I've never been afraid to take on all that life has handed me in the emotional and mental context. Physically, that's another story, and one that is much, much shorter.
Going back to the video tape - the interview was short, for the most part. I need to burn it off onto DVD and then get some sort of software to help me clean it up (the outside noise is horrid - it wasn't this bad years ago, but I think as VHS players have progressed, and the tapes have digressed, it's affected things that I'm hoping can be patched, if nothing else). As I was standing there on the street, I was being asked about my "love of all things k.d.", and honestly denying that I was obsessed. I truly wasn't...enthralled, appreciative, enthusiastic, absolutely - but, never would I become the stalker that many others followed suit with - for me, celebrities are just people with different crap in the public eye - and I don't wish to add to that. As I'm telling JG that people told me I resembled the adorable crooner, and her telling me "I just don't see it", A.H. showed up across the street.
Ahhhh...A.H....she was a cutie. I'll have to write a following entry about her, definitely, as there's more to this thought process than I care to fill this entry with.
Anyhow, A.H. came along, un-staged, totally unexpected, and I hadn't seen her in months. She exuberantly explained to JG that while I was driving her down Broadway one night she looked over and was suddenly like, "Oh my God, I'm in the car with k.d.! Just drop me off at that Taco Bell, k.d., thanks for the ride!" LOL That was amusing, and just what they needed for their documentary that never quite saw the light of day (and ended up in my possession for many years to come). C said to me, "she was cute, what happened?" I explained, briefly, that I broke up with her. Thus, another entry all about A.H. will be coming. She was cute, so was I...and I started thinking, "ya, AA, what happened?"
Life Happened
I was discovering myself, and all the layers to myself peeling off slowly, kind of like the onion that I loathe. I was figuring life out - all that was out there was huge and amazing on many levels, and I still didn't know how to swim in the sea with all the mermaids being present - yes, they kept me off kilter much like a pirate. Some even said I was a pirate, "always out for booty", but that wasn't me - I had the player persona, I suppose, but in my mind I was only trying to make things work and make others happy while still being true to myself. Ya, that didn't work. I'm lucky, honestly, that many of my friends are still my friends after all these years - quite a few of them dated me, and that wasn't always an easy, or heart-safe task.
In short...that video made me think...about what was, what could have been, and the path's that I chose through these years I've lived so far.
I'll be honest, I was a little glum after watching it. ...This morning, C told me, while laying next to me in bed, "you know what? I was thinking about you in that video, and you now, and honestly, I like the you now better. You're cuter, you're more beautiful, and the years have been good to you. You were young and a bit cocky, and now you're older and more sure." She's right, you know. I am more confident - I can admit that without needing the self assurance of others. Sometimes, though, you just need a little nudge to realize that what you knew all along was what is really true, and that the past is the past and only helps to shape your future.
-AA
It's night, I'm a young dyke with a short stylish haircut, toothpick hanging out of my mouth, and a bit cocky. I should also mention the Harry Potter glasses...I was cool before he was. (LOL) I'm being interviewed by friends for a "trip video" they're doing of their journey to find k.d. lang, of all things (er, people). JG is an amazing 50 something woman, and the other friend is from the bulletin boards we all were a part of back then. They were doing a documentary, actually, and the balance of the tape is a lot of them driving up to Vancouver, B.C. looking for where Ms. lang lived, while listening to the album "Ingenue". I'm much more entertaining than that was, I'm afraid.
It was fun to watch with C, but it got me thinking, and actually brought me down a bit. I was once cute, ambitious, had a slight swagger, and really enjoyed myself. Now? I'm self admittedly at least 100 pounds heavier, not half as cute, less cocky, and while I still use toothpicks, I'm actually quite polite with that aspect now. I guess, though, I can point out that while the "cockiness" has left, that was a maturity factor - now I'm confident, and I'll take that over cocky any day of the week, thank you very much.
This process of self discovery is what really started me thinking about everything - wondering where I'm going versus where I've been, and what I might have learned or gleaned from experience along the way. Experience, in my life, is not lacking in the least. I'll freely admit that I was once a self described "mental masochist" (and some of those stories I will probably get into), and I've never been afraid to take on all that life has handed me in the emotional and mental context. Physically, that's another story, and one that is much, much shorter.
Going back to the video tape - the interview was short, for the most part. I need to burn it off onto DVD and then get some sort of software to help me clean it up (the outside noise is horrid - it wasn't this bad years ago, but I think as VHS players have progressed, and the tapes have digressed, it's affected things that I'm hoping can be patched, if nothing else). As I was standing there on the street, I was being asked about my "love of all things k.d.", and honestly denying that I was obsessed. I truly wasn't...enthralled, appreciative, enthusiastic, absolutely - but, never would I become the stalker that many others followed suit with - for me, celebrities are just people with different crap in the public eye - and I don't wish to add to that. As I'm telling JG that people told me I resembled the adorable crooner, and her telling me "I just don't see it", A.H. showed up across the street.
Ahhhh...A.H....she was a cutie. I'll have to write a following entry about her, definitely, as there's more to this thought process than I care to fill this entry with.
Anyhow, A.H. came along, un-staged, totally unexpected, and I hadn't seen her in months. She exuberantly explained to JG that while I was driving her down Broadway one night she looked over and was suddenly like, "Oh my God, I'm in the car with k.d.! Just drop me off at that Taco Bell, k.d., thanks for the ride!" LOL That was amusing, and just what they needed for their documentary that never quite saw the light of day (and ended up in my possession for many years to come). C said to me, "she was cute, what happened?" I explained, briefly, that I broke up with her. Thus, another entry all about A.H. will be coming. She was cute, so was I...and I started thinking, "ya, AA, what happened?"
Life Happened
I was discovering myself, and all the layers to myself peeling off slowly, kind of like the onion that I loathe. I was figuring life out - all that was out there was huge and amazing on many levels, and I still didn't know how to swim in the sea with all the mermaids being present - yes, they kept me off kilter much like a pirate. Some even said I was a pirate, "always out for booty", but that wasn't me - I had the player persona, I suppose, but in my mind I was only trying to make things work and make others happy while still being true to myself. Ya, that didn't work. I'm lucky, honestly, that many of my friends are still my friends after all these years - quite a few of them dated me, and that wasn't always an easy, or heart-safe task.
In short...that video made me think...about what was, what could have been, and the path's that I chose through these years I've lived so far.
I'll be honest, I was a little glum after watching it. ...This morning, C told me, while laying next to me in bed, "you know what? I was thinking about you in that video, and you now, and honestly, I like the you now better. You're cuter, you're more beautiful, and the years have been good to you. You were young and a bit cocky, and now you're older and more sure." She's right, you know. I am more confident - I can admit that without needing the self assurance of others. Sometimes, though, you just need a little nudge to realize that what you knew all along was what is really true, and that the past is the past and only helps to shape your future.
-AA
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